my mouth tastes like poor choices
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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