I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
