Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
