Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize