How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Those nachos came to me in a dream
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
