Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
