Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
