I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
