walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
where am i from again
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
