I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You left your phone here
Wait...
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