at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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