So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
