I love black thongs
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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