they need to just BURY HIM!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the day after is always just damage control
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
