Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
