He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sext me about skeletons
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
