When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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