I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
