i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
