i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
