After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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