Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
