When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize