u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize