Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize