so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my being single is dangerous.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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