Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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