yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
