Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
