someone get that fucking seahorse.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
