OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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