He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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