Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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