I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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