I think my vagina is haunted
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
