Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
