Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
