Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
