he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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