Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
