called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The best revenge is premature balding
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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