In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
tell me about the eggs
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
