Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
