I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
