I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
