I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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