dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
