i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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