That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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