I wanna bring you to show and tell
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
