SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
