I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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