i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
