we have officially lost it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
