bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
