Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
