Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
