I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
