No stitches, just platelets and will power
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
