I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
