..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
