It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
