I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize