There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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