We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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