Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
