Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
