I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
