i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
