we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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