woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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