He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
